Hawks helping Hawks

By Joy Gardner

Q: My boyfriend abuses me, but I love him, what do I do?
A: My first advice, reach out to someone and confide in them about your boyfriends abuse. Tell anyone, a close friend, a family member, teacher, or even a co-worker. You may at first be hesitant in admitting that you have become a victim to domestic violence. You may even feel it’s something to feel ashamed, or embarrassed about. But did you know, approximately 1/5 teenage girls have been physically or sexually abused by their boyfriends. You are not alone in this, and you definitely don’t deserve what he is doing to you. So as hard as it may seem, and no matter how much you love him, you have to leave your boyfriend. I am warning you now; walking away from someone you love will not be easy. You’ll ignore all their faults, in hope that things will change. Or think, “He loves me, and he didn’t mean it”. An abuser has reasons for treating you the way they do, whether they know them or not, and need to fix them on their own before they can commit to a relationship. Getting out may not be the easiest, but it is the best option. Don’t accept less than you deserve. National Domestic Violence Hotline (24 hours), 866-331-9474.
Q: How do you get a guy to notice you?
A: Getting someone to notice you is something literally everyone struggles with. There is always that one guy’s eye you want to catch, or that one girl you never know how to talk to. I’m here to offer some tips that may help; these are the most common answers I got after interviewing over twenty Terrace students. Number 1: Be confident! When I asked “What is the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?”, everyone, ranging from freshman to seniors, answered with smile. Think about it, when walking down the hall, are you going to notice the person walking confidently with their head held high or the one with headphones in, just making their way to class? Number 2: Be yourself! In high school, it’s easy to get caught up in trends, or following the crowd. Wear the clothes you feel comfortable in, listen to the music you love jammin’ to, and don’t pretend to be interested in something just because you think someone will like it. Number 3: Don’t be a try hard.. Ladies, waking up at five to put on fake eye lashes and a mini skirt, is not worth it. Every guy interviewed, said they preferred a girl in jeans and a sweatshirt with little to no makeup on, than someone who has gone all out. Number 4: Have “swag”, now guys, this one’s for you. Girls WILL notice how you carry yourself. So let’s put down the sweats, and pull on some jeans. Number 5: Don’t be awkward! You finally caught that special person’s eye, but now comes the talking… Be someone you’d want to hold a conversation with. Use smiley faces when texting, seem enthused to talk to them and don’t be too awkward to hang out with them! Good luck!
Q: How to cope with the loss of a family, friend, pet, etc
A: This is the trickiest question I had to answer, because everyone will grieve differently in this situation. Some people will need longer to accept the loss than others, and some won’t need any time at all. Some will cry, some will get angry, some will show no emotion at all. There is no set and specific way that someone is supposed to act when they lose someone. Although after interviewing several people who have experienced loss and also researching there is a basic course of emotions you might encounter. 1) Denial: This is a temporary phase, failing to accept that the situation is really happening. Quickly changing to 2) Anger: Finally recognizing that the denial can’t continue may lead to misplaced feelings, and grow produce feelings of anger with yourself or others. You might try 3) Bargaining: In the case of death, often deals are made with a higher power in exchange for reformed lifestyle. When you realize that dwelling on the “what ifs”, you’ll drift into 4) Depression: Becomes silent, cries often, loss of sleep and food. And finally, 5) Acceptance: May still be upset, but is finally able to move on with everyday life. No one person will feel the same thing as another during the time after losing someone special. After interviewing with people who have recently lost someone, their best advice was “It was their time to go, and dwelling on it will just hurt more. Coming to terms and accepting their death isn’t meaning you don’t care; it just means you realize that you can’t change it.”
Q: My parents are fighting a lot, what if they get a divorce?
A: No one likes seeing their parents fight, and when your parents get divorced, that hurts even more. It’ll take a while to adjust, but just remember your parents are still going to love you no matter what. Have you ever really liked someone, and then one day, things just change? You still cared about them as a person, but you just couldn’t actually stay with them. You need to remember that your parents can experience this too; they deserve a chance at happiness again. If they think that means them apart, let them make that decision. It doesn’t mean they didn’t try and work it out or that they are trying to ruin your life. And most important it wasn’t caused by you or anything you did. According to Enrichment Journal the divorce rate in America for the first marriage is 41%, increasing all the time, so you aren’t alone in this. If you ever feel like you need people to talk to, find friends that have divorced parents. I hope things work out for you.
Q: My mom is an alcoholic and it hurts so much. What should I do?
A: This question I think secretly applies to a lot of people. Let me just spit some facts at you. According to childwelfare.org, in 2006, Marijuana accounted for 72.8 percent of illicit drug use from parents. The number of heroin users increased from 136,000 in 2005 to 338,000 in 2006. The most popular used substance is alcohol, in 2006, heavy drinking was reported by 17 million people, while binge drinking was reported by 57 million people. These statistics translate to real people, and it could be anyone’s parents. You might feel ashamed or embarrassed to tell people that your parents have a substance abuse problem that is why I say it could secretly apply to a lot of people. But you have to keep in mind, that what your parents do, doesn’t define you as a person. So find someone to talk about it, a supportive friend, sibling, or any trusted adult. The best thing that you could do is to find a positive group of people to hang out with, so you can continue to make smart choices rather than letting your parents define who you will be.